I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
