So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
