Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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