I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
