But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
