ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I want to fling myself into the sun
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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