I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
