So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
