you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
