She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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