There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
