i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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