when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
