you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
