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Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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