If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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