Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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