You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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