I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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