and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
