David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
