Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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