I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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