i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
