This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
