party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
