my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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