ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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