is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
