Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
