Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
