she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
