he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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