I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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