she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
