He kissed a someone with a penis
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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