Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
