I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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