i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
