why do cheetos always look like penises
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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