so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
