He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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