Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
