did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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