Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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