shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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