apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He kissed a someone with a penis
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
