im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just high enough for therapy.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
