Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
