He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you win again, gameday.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize