You just made me feel so damn special
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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