I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
