At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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