Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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