I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
