I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
