Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
