You're so nebulous sometimes
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
