you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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