I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
