Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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