I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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