I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
