I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
