did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
