I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize