bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
