i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize